As you know, I like to refer to my boss as Fearless Leader. This is a rip-off from the Rockey and Bullwinkle show. Although my boss is female, if you knew who I am or where I work, this reference would leave you in stitches…

As many of you know, I have done my fair share of complaining about my co-workers. Most don’t speak English, have no restaurant experience and come from the cesspools of the Earth. Although they are nice enough people, for the most part, with some exceptions, they are a pain in the ass to work with. I recently hired a somewhat experienced server who speaks English, but this brings the competence count to two. And, he doesn’t even start training until next week…

Finally, Fearless Leader has cracked. She commented that as soon as she finds enough good servers and bar tenders, the cesspool servers will be pink slipped. Thank God. She finally acknowledge our guests don’t like the wait staff. They don’t understand the menu, the POS, the guests’ needs, much less their language, the dishes, ways to serve someone, or how to do sidework or show up anywhere near the appointed work start time.  Ah, the joys of working in a “multi-cultural” city…

On a side note, our restaurant received a appositive, though small-time review. Maybe things will look up.

Sorry I have not been around much. I am sick as a dog. I called in sick on Saturday - a big mistake, as Saturday is where I make all my money. The doctor gave me lots of meds, and I am slowly doing better. I should be back at work on Wednesday.

Speaking of sick, here is a quick story for you… Last weekend, I had a table of two, a man and woman. The woman was the biggest bitch ever, and to add insult to injury, she knows she is the biggest bitch ever.

She and her husband, after walking in 25 minutes late for their reservation, first complain that they don’t have a great table. The hostess implies that making your reservation at the appointed time will solve this problem.

After then complaining to me, the two order a very cheap $20.00 dollar bottle of champagne. The woman then proceeds to send it back.

Bitch: “This champagne is too sweet. I want something better.”

Me: “Right away, I can offer you a Mum Nappa, it is much drier and has a fuller body.”

Bitch: “Well, hurry.”

I return with the $79.00 bottle of sparking wine.

Fast forward to the food.

Bitch: “I changed my mind. I now want my pasta without any sauce at all whatsoever. And hurry, I am very hungry.”

She then smiles this evil smile as if she knows she is being difficult.

Me: “Not a problem, it might take 10 - 15 minutes to get that out.”

Bitch with a smile on her face: “Well, I want it right now, and I always get what I want.”

Husband: “Because her food was cooked wrong, I feel we should be entitled to a free appetizer.”

Me: “Well, normally I would agree with you. But because the pasta came out exactly how it is stated on the menu, I cannot offer that.”

Bitch: “I want a manger.”

Fearless Leader goes to the table and comps a seafood appetizer which arrives at the same time as the pasta.

Bitch: “Well, why is the starter here at the same time as my meal?”

Me: “Fearless Leader asked the kitchen to send them out as soon as possible, and that means both plates came out at the same time.”

Bitch with a smile on her face: “I will eat the starter now. Throw away the pasta. I don’t want it. It will get cold. I want lamb chops and I only want to pay for the pasta. Is that understood?”

Note: The price difference here is $16.00.

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot trade dishes because you changed your mind after they have been delivered. I can also have lamb cho–”

Bitch: “Manager. Manager. Manage - eh - er. Now, please”

Fearless Leader explains the policy and the woman seems distraught. No doubt the bottle of Mumm she is drinking alone is not helping my plight.

Fast forward until after I had her dry pasta microwaved.

Bitch: “The food is fine, I guess. I will take the bill….. Why am I being charged for Mumm Nappa. I did not order this.”

Me: “You sent back to Prosecco, and I did not charge even thought the bottle was half-empty. I only charged for the bottle you liked.”

Bitch with a smile on her face: “I am the costumer, and I will pay for what I ordered.”

Knowing that this would turn into a circular argument, I again sent for Fearless Leader. She, in turn, charged an even $70.00 for the Mumm. I return with the corrected check… $121, although it should have been closer to $175.

Me: “Thank you for eating here today. I hope you enjoyed everything.”

Bitch with a smile on her face, and then a bitch laugh, similar to the one given when she asked for free food: “Well, not at all. My pasta was cold, of course. The food was all wrong, and I was robbed when it came to wine. I suppose I will eat here again [please don't!], but I am not very happy.”

Husband: “The food was fine. But I do not like being charged for items I did not order.”

Ugh.

Bill $121. Tip $6.58. I wasn’t surprised.

Before I start this post, I want to make a few comments… First, I would like to thank Ribeye www.ragingserver.com for starting the Restaurant Blog Carnival. Well done! Second, I would like to apologize for not being around much the past few days. Normally, I like to update my blog about two to three times per week. However, I have not been able to meet this goal. I am happy to see that readership continues to be high and the emails and comments flow in despite my not being around very much.

Last Saturday, that is, December 1, my restaurant got mobbed. Every table was reserved, and we took more reservations than we have tables (to account for no-shows), which meant we were 3 - 4 tables short. The hostess, on her second day on the job, literally gave up half way through the night. We had to turn away all walk in costumers and some reservations were bumped to the bar.

It was the wrong date for Fearless Leader, the owner and general manager to experiment - She decided instead of the 5 servers (we had one no show) drawing up 38 tables into sections, everyone would “work together” and we would pool tips. Fuck that. By the end of the night $300 in cash was missing (no one knows if you swipe the cash from the tables - after all, there was no way to link it to you - the computer system was open)… There was poor service; No one knew what each table was up to and the lead-bus boy called in sick. This left us with two food runners who didn’t know the table numbers and poor service all around. I have never seen so many 0 - 5 % tips in my life. Ironically, two tables told me if it were not for me, they would walked out. More on this latter.

The night was a complete disaster. We had one bar tender, it was her first day. Because she was so slow and didn’t know where anything is (which is understandable on the first day. She is actually a good bartender), I had to make all of my drinks plus some for other people. Unreal. I am demanding a large cut of the bar tip out. Because of the missing cash and the poor all around tips, all five of us made $$72 after tip out and tip pool. After my cut of the bar, I will be right above $100.

This Saturday was different. We were packed yet again but we had real sections. Two waitress did such a terrible job that I had to take care of their tables for them. One table, an 8-top are some of my best costumers. Although I did not get the tips from their table, the threats to walk out turned into wanting private party information, two good bottles of wine and a huge thank you by the time I was done with them. Another table of my favorite guests had similar complaints and left with an equally positive smile and sense of satisfaction on their face. I was in my groove - up selling food and wine - quick fast service (although I did drop and break a glass of wine - a first for me).

I told “fearless leader,” “You owe me.” And I mean it. If not for me, the place would have fallen apart, about $500 less would have been spent not including people walking out and the computer would not have been fixed (I am the only one who knows how to program the POS system).

Despite this, I was told I didn’t give good service. The reason: I did not help the other servers enough. This turned into a 4 minute lecture from Fearless Leader. I made $305 after tip-out of about 5% of my sales (on $1848 in sales - we had 6 servers working the floor and total sales were $7400, so you do the math - I had only 3 more tables than the lowest yielding server and 1 less than the second highest).

Not only was the only one to arrive early, but I was the only one not to arrive more than 20 minutes late. I saved the day and in return was told the dropping of the ball my everyone else was entirely my fault. Unreal. Fearless Leader itemized every professional fault of the entire waitstaff, including not speaking English, not knowing the menu, inability to sell wine, inability to open wine/champagne bottles, inability to understand guest needs, inability to communicate with the kitchen and inability to to use the POS system. This is my fault because I never showed them, to the tee exactly how to have the INTUITION and skills needed to their job. That is called incompetence not poor training. Some people were born to be doctors. Some people were born to CPAs. These people were not born to be servers. Period. I will not take the blame. At least not until I get my 200% raise.

This week was a great week financially. Before tip-out and tax and with my wage I hit $1,000.00. However, the politics and stress of my job (not the serving part, but the politics of the restaurant and the ups and downs of Fearless Leader) are getting to me emotionally, mentally and physically. I had SIX tables tell me I am the only one allowed to serve them on their next visit and three people tell me I am one of the best servers they have had. I am quick to act on requests and know how to have fun with my guest and make them feel good about their meals. After all, this is a sales job.

I will post, sometime this week, some funny stories from the dumber costumers. The tale of the drunkest table of age 50+ costumers I have ever seen, and other humor filled stories. Probably tomorrow or Tuesday after golf. I have had so little time to myself that I have decided to play some golf - alone - in the silence on Tuesday.

I will leave you with this - a costumer called in wondering if they could bring their own alcohol to the restaurant. I replied that they could not, as it would violate our liquor license. She then asked, “well, can we buy alcohol there?” “Yes of course you can.” Why are some people so dumb? Yes, we will also let you bring a picnic lunch too. Hell, enjoy the entertainment, but please do not buy anything…

Long, long time no post… Almost 3 weeks I think. Ok, I have a ton of funny and scary stories. However, I have to leave for work in 10 minutes. I will write a post either tonight or tomorrow or at worst, Monday!

Also, stay tuned for the Blog Carnival sponsered by Ribeye

http://www.ragingserver.com

It’s going to be a lot of fun and a great read for all of my guests.

I cannot wait to update the blog - see you soon!

I have never been fired from a job. Well, kind of - my first job ever. I worked there for four months and was let go. The place had some cut backs and they had a last in, first out policy, so it was more of a furlough. Once things got better (about 4 -5 months later), I was offered my old job back at a very slight (25 cents/ hr - the new going rate) pay rise, but rejected the offer due to a new and more lucrative job. Other than that, I have never been fired.

Other than standing outside of my boss’s back gate throwing the office key at her with my dog in hand at 11 pm on Wednesday, I have never quit a job with great dramatics. However, I know many, especially in the restaurant business have.

So, I want to know, what are the best quitting/ getting fired stories that you have?

Leave them in the comments section!!

To restaurant higher-ups, there is one word that makes people cringe. It’s not the f-word, the s-word, the n-word … it’s the T-Word. No, I am not talking about tip or teamwork or time, but turnover. Restaurants are known for their revolving door of employees. My particular establishment has not even been open for three months. However, already, only half of the staff were there on day one. I am the only server who was there on day one. (now shift-leader, which by the way, means a raise in hourly pay starting January 1!) . Technically, there is one other girl who has been there since day one, but she only works one day per week as a cocktail waitress (which was always her job). We have lost 4 cooks, a dishwasher and two bartenders, and thank god, the awful idiot stupid cunty bitch sous chef was fired!!!!! The bar tender I hate: quit. The server I hate: fired. The server who I hate who took his place: fired. Only one idiot ass-hole bartender to go and then I will officially, for the first time in my life, like everyone I work with (this has never happened to me before).

Because the grass looks greener on the other side, managers tend to be inexperienced, inhumane slave drivers with no respect for anything but the hostesses’ vagina, and because working in a restaurant can be difficult, stressful (x10), exhausting and draining, many people jump around from job to job. Moreover, the above factors cause many people to do stupid things and get themselves fired. Other times, the former, the managers, clash with good employees and they get fired.

Nevertheless, we have cycled from over-staffed to now short-staffed.

If you live, or plan to be, in my particular area and are looking for a job as a bartender, server or line cook, let me know.

–

As I mentioned before, I am getting that raise I wanted so much. Although it’s just something small, like $2-$3 per hour, it will mean an extra $160- $240 per pay check for me. For tipped employees, who are used to making $2 per hour, this is huge. I do not know the exact figure yet. My boss did not mention it, however I trust it will happen as promised and we talked about 2 or 3 dollars a few weeks earlier.

——

Over all, tonight was slow. Terrible thunderstorms and the looming holiday weekend tend to do that. However, the tips tonight for fabulous. $13.00 on $61.00; $30 on $138; $28.00 on $145.00 were very nice, the rest were more average. Not a terrible night, but only $120 after tip out for 7.5 hours. Usually I do double that on Saturday. That is what happens when it rains AND turkey day is right around the corner.

We closed an hour before last call (everyone had left) so I stopped by to meet some friends for a quick Heineken at our biggest competitor. It felt so weird to be in the den of the enemy

I just got off of work. I am sitting shirtless in my living room enjoying alcohol and tobacco while watching TV. This is a servers’ life. However, I am a tame goodie-two-shoes compared to most people in the industry.

After watching the movie “Waiting” on Show Time for the first time the other week, I noticed the writers of the movie got a lot right and a lot more wrong.

Throughout the movie, the servers are drunk, the bussboys are stoned and everyone is having sex with everyone else. This, in many ways, is true.

Restaurant employees, especially servers and bartenders, have an exceptionally high rate of over drinking. I can think of many servers I know who use more cocaine than Lindsay Lohan behind the wheel, more who drink more than…well…Lindsay Lohan behind the wheel. A small handfull of sex addicts, burn outs and stoners.

For many, working in a restaurant, at least a big casual chain, is a similar to senior year of high school - you’re out late, you’re drunk and your superior treats you like a child - All while you think about who you will sleep with next.

Heavy drug use, irresponsibility and a big mouth for gossip (which is my downfall) characterize many restaurants. Although he movie gets a lot wrong (for example, everyone speaks English), many of the traits and habits are toned down for the silver screen.

Any minute now, the 3,000th visitor will arrive to this blog. I have been in business 8 weeks and am so excited to see so many people reading this blog. If you’re the 3,000th visitor and you live in my city, I will treat you to a drink at my restaurant. Any drink you want (no, that does not mean a bottle of Dom, I am not made of money!)

I have gotten two offers to run ads on this blog and of course, I am aware of Google Ad Sense. However, I chose not to have commercials on my website. I am not in this for the money. I run this blog to share my sometimes unbelievable other times boring stories of working in a high-end restaurant/ night club. Of course, venting and reflecting, for my own benefit, might be the greatest payment of all for running a blog. I don’t need $6.45 per month from some company or $100 every two years from Google to keep bloging. I do it, and serve, because I love it.

My next post, either today or tomorrow, will be titled “Why Waiters Give Waiters a Bad Name.” I hope you will enjoy it.

Note, in Chile, tipping is required by law…

http://politicalcalculations.blogspot.com/2007/10/tipping-around-world.html