Sick.

Sorry I have not been around much. I am sick as a dog. I called in sick on Saturday - a big mistake, as Saturday is where I make all my money. The doctor gave me lots of meds, and I am slowly doing better. I should be back at work on Wednesday.

Speaking of sick, here is a quick story for you… Last weekend, I had a table of two, a man and woman. The woman was the biggest bitch ever, and to add insult to injury, she knows she is the biggest bitch ever.

She and her husband, after walking in 25 minutes late for their reservation, first complain that they don’t have a great table. The hostess implies that making your reservation at the appointed time will solve this problem.

After then complaining to me, the two order a very cheap $20.00 dollar bottle of champagne. The woman then proceeds to send it back.

Bitch: “This champagne is too sweet. I want something better.”

Me: “Right away, I can offer you a Mum Nappa, it is much drier and has a fuller body.”

Bitch: “Well, hurry.”

I return with the $79.00 bottle of sparking wine.

Fast forward to the food.

Bitch: “I changed my mind. I now want my pasta without any sauce at all whatsoever. And hurry, I am very hungry.”

She then smiles this evil smile as if she knows she is being difficult.

Me: “Not a problem, it might take 10 - 15 minutes to get that out.”

Bitch with a smile on her face: “Well, I want it right now, and I always get what I want.”

Husband: “Because her food was cooked wrong, I feel we should be entitled to a free appetizer.”

Me: “Well, normally I would agree with you. But because the pasta came out exactly how it is stated on the menu, I cannot offer that.”

Bitch: “I want a manger.”

Fearless Leader goes to the table and comps a seafood appetizer which arrives at the same time as the pasta.

Bitch: “Well, why is the starter here at the same time as my meal?”

Me: “Fearless Leader asked the kitchen to send them out as soon as possible, and that means both plates came out at the same time.”

Bitch with a smile on her face: “I will eat the starter now. Throw away the pasta. I don’t want it. It will get cold. I want lamb chops and I only want to pay for the pasta. Is that understood?”

Note: The price difference here is $16.00.

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot trade dishes because you changed your mind after they have been delivered. I can also have lamb cho–”

Bitch: “Manager. Manager. Manage - eh - er. Now, please”

Fearless Leader explains the policy and the woman seems distraught. No doubt the bottle of Mumm she is drinking alone is not helping my plight.

Fast forward until after I had her dry pasta microwaved.

Bitch: “The food is fine, I guess. I will take the bill….. Why am I being charged for Mumm Nappa. I did not order this.”

Me: “You sent back to Prosecco, and I did not charge even thought the bottle was half-empty. I only charged for the bottle you liked.”

Bitch with a smile on her face: “I am the costumer, and I will pay for what I ordered.”

Knowing that this would turn into a circular argument, I again sent for Fearless Leader. She, in turn, charged an even $70.00 for the Mumm. I return with the corrected check… $121, although it should have been closer to $175.

Me: “Thank you for eating here today. I hope you enjoyed everything.”

Bitch with a smile on her face, and then a bitch laugh, similar to the one given when she asked for free food: “Well, not at all. My pasta was cold, of course. The food was all wrong, and I was robbed when it came to wine. I suppose I will eat here again [please don't!], but I am not very happy.”

Husband: “The food was fine. But I do not like being charged for items I did not order.”

Ugh.

Bill $121. Tip $6.58. I wasn’t surprised.